So lately there has been a thought weighing heavily on my mind. I like to call it a "Teenage Crisis." You know how when some people turn 30 or 40, the start doubting their purpose, and go a little crazy. They dye their hair, buy a new car, or start knitting. Well, same with me. I honestly don't have any idea what I'm doing with my life. The future for me is so uncertain. It terrifies me immensely. I don't know what I want to major in in college. I don't know where I will be five years from now. You see, since I was little, I have this strange desire to be famous. I have always wanted to be a singer. I love being in front of people, and I love preforming. I always thought in my mind, that I would be world wide famous, waking up and doing what I love to do. Obviously, that hasn't happened. And it freaks me out. People are always asking me, "Where do you want to go to college?" and "What to you want to do with you life?"I always come up with some stupid answer or a mediocre "I don't know yet." Everyday I think to my self, "Am I wasting my life? What am I doing with my life?" And it's freaking me out. I don't know. I know I have so many great things ahead of me. I don't want to be another person on this earth. I don't want to be just someone. I want to be an inspiration. It's truly terrifying that my childhood is coming to an end.
But there are things that I do know. I do know that I love Jesus and I want to live my life in His will. I do know that I love singing. I do know that I love play various instruments. I do know that I love traveling. I do know that I love my family and friends. I do know that I love children. I do know that I love theater. I do know that I love performing. I do know that I can rest in God's perfect timing and plan. And hopefully, that will be enough for now.
I found a quote that kind of sums it up for me:
"I still may not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know I want to live in a home filled with books and travel souvenirs.And the walls that aren't covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave home I will be going to a job I love, and I'll return to a person I love.So, that is the dream I am working on."
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